I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
