Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
