is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
