I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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