the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
bring money and cleavage
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
