1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
