Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
