Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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