Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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