I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
