Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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