I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
