i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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