You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
