I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
