i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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