Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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