I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
