I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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