I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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