P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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