I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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