he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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