Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
