So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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