is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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