I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
