I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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