i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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