It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
