so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
