when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
