I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
