Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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