do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
