WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
