It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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