i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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