I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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