his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
