I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
