Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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