garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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