So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
