Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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