I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
