i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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