Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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