If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
