I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Blow job season was short but glorious.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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