The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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